Shero Cafe Podcast

034 - The Four Agreements - Final Chapters

• Deborah Edwards and Debbie Pearson

Share episode

Talk to us, Shero! Talk to us!

We've been diving into the final part of The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz, and we want to share what stood out most. Here's what we discovered: Ruiz lays out a path to reclaiming your personal freedom by breaking unconscious, limiting beliefs—what he calls “agreements”—and replacing them with empowering ones. 

He introduces three masteries: awareness, transformation, and intent:

(1) Awareness is recognizing the beliefs running in the background of your life. Once they come into consciousness, they stop running the show. 

(2) Transformation is actively replacing those limiting beliefs with ones that reflect your truth—not just repeating affirmations, but actually believing what you’re telling yourself. 

(3) Intent is choosing what you truly want and aligning your actions with that desire. 

When you put all of this together, you create what Ruiz calls the “new dream”—what we like to think of as emotional freedom. It’s not a fluffy something. It’s powerful, and it become tangible and measurable in your life. It begins with loving yourself enough to live intentionally and release what no longer serves you.

---CONNECT with Shero Cafe---
Subscribe: www.SheroCafe.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/shero.cafe.podcast/
Email: thesherocafe@gmail.com

---CONNECT with Deborah Edwards---
Let's Connect on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/deborah.edwards.372
Self Care Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/624202641785785
Website: https://gratefulom.life/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/deborahedwards-selfcarecoach/


---CONNECT with Debbie Pearson---
Facebook (personal): https://www.facebook.com/debbie.pearson.921
Facebook Group (Creative Self-Discovery Lab): https://www.facebook.com/groups/creativeselfdiscoverylab
Website: https://www.debbiepearson.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/debbiepearsoncoach/

Debbie:

Hello Sheros, thank you all for being here with us as we discuss the remainder of the book, the Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. I think, before we go too much further, I want to say if you have not read this book, it is highly recommended by both Deborah and I. It's a really easy read and the four agreements are agreements that you make with yourself, and I think that is magical. Actually, Deborah, why don't you share with us the audience about this final part of the book?

Deborah:

I'd be happy to. So we have Chapter 6 and Chapter 7. That are the final chapters of the book, and Chapter 6 is the Toltec Path to Freedom, Breaking Old Agreements. And Chapter 7 is the new dream Heaven on Earth agreements. And chapter seven is the new dream heaven on earth. So with chapter six we're talking about the freedom and as the ability to, for each of us to be our authentic selves without all of the restraints of societal domestication and he. This chapter shows us that, unlike children that just show up as their authentic selves, don't worry about what mom and dad well, for the most part, what society says they should do, they just are acting freely out of their self-expression self-expression. So this chapter invites us to look at and reclaim that freedom that we had as children Really young children though.

Deborah:

Really, really young children, because at a certain age, obviously, all of us start to become, you know, indoctrinated People, start putting their you know, their beliefs and their views and their restrictions and don't do this and don't do that, and girls don't do this, boys don't do that on us. Yeah, domestication, yeah. And so then, ruiz, in this chapter, talks about three masteries of the Toltec tradition, and the three masteries are awareness, transformation and the mastery of intent, and so I thought we would talk about those three for a little while. Yeah, tell us about it.

Debbie:

I mean, I get what awareness is I get what transformation is. I understand intent, but what's he talking about when he says that we should master these?

Deborah:

Well, what we need to do, okay, so let's take first I'll take them each individually, so let's start with awareness. So what he's saying, that awareness means to the Toltec tradition, is that we recognize the restrictive agreements and beliefs that we've adopted and we don't become a slave to them. We just know that there are these things and in my life, I know that these are my things and especially when I'm having interactions with people that I want to stay connected with, I can say, okay, I recognize this, whatever it is, this agreement or this belief and I'm not going to let that affect my current situation, or I'm just going to know that it affects my current situation and be open to what comes.

Debbie:

I think this is a really important one and I love that you're calling agreements like beliefs and beliefs agreements, because you know, we hear a lot about limiting beliefs, right Right, or disempowering beliefs or being stuck.

Debbie:

And I don't know about you, but man, I've been stuck in things, even in my business, and it feels like I've hit a ceiling, but I don't know why I can't go further and flushing it out, I eventually go. Or a coach or a mentor will say, debbie, that sounds like a limiting belief. Because I might say something I'll just say for business it was like, well, I can't raise my prices, people aren't paying what, what you know, I was charging at that time she goes to me that sounds like a limiting belief. And until she said those words, I didn't realize I'd actually made that agreement with myself that I'm I'm only worth this much, therefore my program's only worth this much. So I didn't realize that it was a limiting belief or an agreement. So it's just huge and I just wanted to acknowledge it before we put too many. Put it all to you know, all three of them together, and just take a moment and recognize how many beliefs do we have, how many agreements have we made that we may not even be aware of Right.

Deborah:

And I always say I tell my clients, you know, when I'm coaching them on self-care and self-wellness, that the first step in every, every journey is having that awareness and every, every journey is having that awareness. And I can even remember an awareness or a limiting belief that I had that I was not lovable, that I was damaged goods, I'd been raped, I'd been, you know, and so I'm damaged goods, I don't deserve to have the relationship that I want. Bringing that awareness to myself helped me to change that belief or not be tied down or restricted to that belief, to allow me to have those relationships that I wanted.

Debbie:

That's so cool. You know, Yep, that is so cool.

Deborah:

So the next thing oh, go ahead. Do you have to? No, Well.

Debbie:

I was going to say something. Oh, awarenesses. I'm going to just throw in a real quick neurosciency thing. It's in our heads almost like an automatic behavior, the beliefs, the agreements, so much so that we don't recognize them, but when we, either through someone sharing something, or once we finally see it, however that is, it has come from the subconscious or the unconscious into the conscious mind. That's the awareness. Because until it comes to the conscious mind, it controls us exactly. So once we can get it out and I don't know like we get it out, I'm saying like you're gonna dig out a pearl out of an oyster or something, but until somehow it comes to our awareness, then, or our conscious mind, it's, it runs the show, and then we can start running the show once we know. Okay, that's what I wanted to say.

Deborah:

I love that and I love that optic because I do believe the pearl out of the oyster. We are bringing that pearl of wisdom and awareness that we have. We have that wisdom about our own beliefs, our own restrictive agreements, and then we dig that pearl out and that's the beauty, that's where we have the value in moving forward.

Debbie:

That was a really great analogy about that oyster and pearl and I didn't even mean it that way. Way, but it worked perfectly. Thank you for that.

Deborah:

Exactly, okay, all right so the next one is the mastery of transformation, and what this is, what this step is in, according to Ruiz, is that actively replacing these limiting agreements with empowering ones. You know the suggestion well. The example that I gave of you know me thinking I'm damaged goods and I'm nobody's going to love me. When I decided that I am the bomb diggity and that I am worthy of being loved, and those things in the past do not affect my worthiness and my ability to being loved, you know what I attracted love. I started seeing myself as not only worthy, but the bomb diggity.

Debbie:

I love the bomb diggity. That's hysterical. What I what? I love just the term you are the bum diggity, baby, the, the, the replacing limiting agreements with empowering ones. I I love that so much and I I think it's because we hear a lot about positive affirmations. There's nothing wrong with positive affirmations and if they work for you, that's great.

Debbie:

I found that I needed to really resonate with the words I was speaking in order for me to believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. That were coming out of my mouth. For example, I meditated for a year every day, and I mean every day was like a, I was part of a thing and we meditated, but separately every day. For me it was money flows easily to me. That was my meditation and I would think about that. I was supposed to, like you know, dream about the money flowing into my bank account and everything. And I did, I pictured it and all that. A year later, nothing.

Debbie:

But I also didn't believe what I was hearing myself say, the words I was using the visuals I was seeing I was still under the spell, the agreement that I wasn't worth that money coming in. So, like you're talking about changing that belief that you're the bomb diggity, like. I love that because you genuinely believed it and you got it. You got an incredible partner in your life, right, and so I. I don't want to say anything bad about positive affirmations, but I want to add to it by saying you must truly believe positive them for them to become empowering. So, yeah, go ahead.

Deborah:

I believe that is absolutely true and because otherwise it's just an empty. It's just empty words without any of the energy of intent and love and and and and just the authenticity behind it, right? So it's not really you know what's the word that I want to say it's not really resonating for you when you're saying those affirmations, it's not really truly resonating and that energy isn't actually going out to manifest what you want, because it's just not there. True?

Debbie:

I really felt it like for a year. I thought I was convincing myself, but no, it was not happening. But it's okay. It was an incredible lesson to learn right. Exactly a little painful, but also an incredible lesson.

Deborah:

Yeah, all right. So the third one is the mastery of intent. So harnessing the power of love and aligning our will with our true desires, and that's what we're talking about, right? I mean, that's exactly what we're talking about, because we need to really be very clear of what we really, really, really want. You know, it just reminds me of I'm going to the ice cream station and standing there and looking at all the flavors and saying just give me some ice cream, you know, and I'm not telling them the flavor, whether I want soft, whether I want, and you're going to get whatever they pick out. You're not going to even necessarily get what you want. If I'm going for pistachio, I need to ask for pistachio. If I ask for pistachio, I need to know that I love pistachio, right? So really focusing in on the love and aligning with what our true desire is and being very clear about that.

Debbie:

I have something. A client that I had said she was very frustrated with her husband because she wanted him like to compliment her. And she actually said say something nice to me or say something you like about me I forget the words that she used and he said something positive about the way she looked and she goes that's not what I mean. And she told me and I was, yeah, like well, what did you mean? She's like I don't know. And I said, oh, that's interesting. How, if you?

Debbie:

I don't remember exactly how I said it, but basically it's like, if we don't know what we want, how do we expect other people to know for us? How do we expect other people to know for us? We are living our lives. We're living in our head, we're experiencing everything that we go through. I know it sounds a little redundant and strange, but the other person is not in our daily life living everything. So if we don't know what we want that's the mastery of intent, aligning with our will, with our true desires If we don't know what our desires are truly, how can we expect other people to know what they are?

Debbie:

So I just, I was just, I was blown away, like just thinking, because I think I've done that myself in, you know marriage going. You know I want ice cream, right, and my husband comes back with almond mint and I'm like I wanted pistachio and we're like how we love me. You would know that's the perfect answer. If you love me, you should know Wow, where did that come from? Yeah, yeah, I bet you. There's a lot, a lot of stuff going on. So is that? I'm just asking is that an agreement we make with ourselves that other people should know what I want? Do you think?

Deborah:

It is a belief, and it is a limiting belief. Okay, that's the way that I see it. And when we're talking about these three masteries, ruiz is suggesting that by practicing these masteries, we can dismantle the internal judge and victim, therefore restoring our innate freedom and joy. So, in that, that um, that um example that you gave, right then you were the judge and you were the victim. You know and so, or he was the judge and he was the victim. So by being very clear about these things, you eliminate that relationship and you both show up as whole and complete individuals. At least you do. That's the only thing that we have control over.

Debbie:

Exactly Okay, cool, all right.

Deborah:

So let's move into chapter seven. And this is the dream, this is what Ruiz calls heaven on earth, and so, in this chapter, he encourages us to envision a life free from fear and those limiting beliefs and judgments and self-imposed limitations, and create your personal heaven on earth. Right Because oh, that sounds fluffy, doesn't it sound fluffy Because? But it can be done. Right, because in our situation, our earth that we're living in right now, there's no heaven, you know. So I love the idea of creating my own, and he asserts that by adopting the four agreements and breaking these old patterns, we can create a new reality that's filled with love, happiness and fulfillment. But I think, you know, in my view, we create this by leading with love, by being love, and I know that sounds woo-woo too, but I truly believe that's the way forward.

Debbie:

Well, I can't disagree with that. I think that we really cannot love another anymore. How do I say this? We can only love others to the degree that we can love ourselves, and it's like, if I can, does that make sense to you?

Debbie:

first of all, Um yes and no, okay, why don't we talk about that? After you talk about this? I wanted to ask you this about the heaven on earth thing Would you say that heaven on earth is akin to emotional freedom? Yes, you talked about, okay, being free from, like fear and the self-imposed limitations. Although we didn't know, we self-imposed them. That always gets me very frustrated, like I didn't do that. Oh, yes, you did, but we did and we just didn't realize it, and I think that we talked about this earlier. We did do it, but because we were trying to protect ourselves, we made agreements because the alternative to that was maybe more painful, and then that stuck, and so that's why it's quote unquote self-imposed, okay, so, okay, I can see heaven on earth, if I can look at it as getting emotional freedom, because I know I have done that. So you want to share the transformative process so that everybody else knows what we're talking about?

Deborah:

Okay, so, again, he said that we can create um new reality filled with love and happiness and fulfillment and these transformational process. The way that we get there from here is by imagination, choice and love. So imagination first. What does he mean by that? Visualizing a life where we express ourselves freely, authentically and, I will add, with love. Right, so I? One of the intentions that I state in my meditations is that I want to live a conscious life with a level of lightness of being so these limiting huh.

Debbie:

Would you call that self-love?

Deborah:

No, yes, I would say, maybe no, I would say that when, with the lightness of being means I'm not carrying around all those limiting beliefs, I can't. I'm not carrying around all of those restrictions, so I can live in my own.

Debbie:

How is that? How is that not self-love? That sounds totally. It's like I love myself enough to not carry this around. That's how I hear it. Well, no, that's true oh, I'm just.

Deborah:

I think what I'm saying is it's not just self-love, ah, gotcha, okay, I think it's a lot of things. Yeah, you love yourself to be enough. You love yourself to be authentic. You love yourself yourself to be authentic. You love yourself enough to want to free yourself from these things that allow you to walk the earth with the lightness of being. I'm not saying that you're running around with unicorns and flowers in your life every day. That's just not the way it works. But you're able to have that lightness that allows you to experience and express yourself freely and completely without those restrictions. So just imagining how that looks without having those restrictions is really cool, yeah.

Debbie:

I think we have to be authentic and have a love for ourselves in order to be able to do that, because so much of the time, so many of us spend looking for that external validation and not being willing to be ourselves because, uh-, what will quote? They think, whoever they is, I can't be myself. Yeah, okay, keep going.

Deborah:

And that runs right into the second one on Andy. Debbie, you named it right. So we make a choice. We make a choice that we're not going to live that way, we're not going to live inhibited by those restrictions and irrespective of what is going on in externally, right? So we are going to make the choice that we're going to live in a state of bliss, a lightness of being and again, not unicorns and whatever, but a choice that we are going to live our best lives and, um, not shackled by those, um, what is it what I'm thinking? Restrictions, limitations, self-imposed limitations, you know all of those things judgment, fear. I'm not going to stay in fear. I may experience fear. I'm not going to say that I'm not going to experience fear, but I'm not going to stay in fear. I may experience fear. I'm not going to say that I'm not going to experience fear, but what I'm not going to do is stay there.

Debbie:

Exactly, I get you. I get you Like I know what you mean by that and how and learning a process that works for you. Where, when that fear does come up, how do you move beyond it? What does it? What do we as individuals do so that when that fear shows up, we can move through it? I'll say, as quickly as possible but reasonable, that we can get to that other side, that does become that peaceful space, right? I mean, he calls heaven on earth. That sounds like unicorns and flowers to me. It does I. I prefer to. For me, what feels better is to call it like emotional freedom, inner peace, joy, happiness. Those phrases feel better to move through that fear and get to the other side.

Deborah:

So I totally agree with that. And not only that, but get to the other side by. So I totally agree with that. And not only that, but get to the other side by embracing love as a force that transforms everything self-love, self-care, love for other humans, love for humanity, not othering and by releasing yourself from those restrictions. Oh my gosh, you know you're running around with the lightness of being because those things are not tearing you down, right? So I don't. I know that Ruiz calls this the new dream, and it's attainable for anyone wanting to challenge their existing beliefs and embrace a life that is aligned with their true selves right, so right.

Debbie:

So we're getting to the, the close, but before we end, kind of just wrap that up and put it, put a little bow on it for us.

Deborah:

No, you're not the boss of me. You put the bow on it I can wrap it up.

Debbie:

Do you want me to? No, I mean yeah, oh well, I'll start.

Debbie:

Join me, however you want to. I think that the four agreements are hugely powerful. Powerful If a person has discomforts, whether it's fear, overwhelm, overthinking, worry, anxiety, if they get quickly negatively charged, if somebody says something that they feel like that person's challenging their core values, or maybe there's a need that's not getting met consistently from maybe the child, your child in your life, or a spouse or a parent. These four agreements can literally bring you more peace in your heart than I'll say pretty much, because you know everybody's got their way of handling things. But these four agreements can bring more peace inside your heart, inside your life, in your mind, than anything I've ever experienced before. Now I believe there's other processes, but basically it's the same four agreements.

Debbie:

Right right, how to right, learning how to, whatever that how to is for you, so that you can move from the pain to the pleasure, or from the zero to the hero in your own life, or zero to shero, from zero to shero. You know, seriously, it is about learning the how-to right and uh, yeah, that's what we're all about is is hopefully bringing those tidbits, those, those life hacks, those you know tips and tricks that can help people do that thing Right. Is there something else you wanted to share?

Deborah:

No, I think that you, that you actually encapsulated it perfectly. The one thing that I I am really focusing on myself is that one where he's talking about love. Embracing love is a fundamental force. I say to myself I am love, I am loving and I am loved. So that's all it is. It's just being loving yourself, like you said, enough to allow yourself to live in love and to experience love and to have a great lightness of being life.

Debbie:

Thank you, deborah, that was really beautiful. I love that. I know that I do. I am challenged, I do. I am challenged like, instead of loving, I will turn away or something. I mean not all the time, obviously, but there's, there's things that go on where it's like I don't want to deal with that and we don't have to deal with everything and everybody you know, you know, but, um, I would.

Debbie:

I think that, following the four agreements and what you said, like I do see way more light from you. I've experienced you showing that when, even when you're like something was upsetting and and bothered you and and it, you just took this moment and I I literally watched you transform and show the other person love. Even though the initially went against I don't know a value or whatever and it stopped you in your tracks, you were able to just bring up love so quickly and show to the other person and I just really respect that. So, yeah, I look forward to one day when I can do that.

Deborah:

We don't know when that's going to happen. You do it all the time. I'm going to just tell you.

Debbie:

Okay, so I'm going to tell our audience. Thank you so much for all of the loves, the likes and the comments we get.

Deborah:

We appreciate you more than you know, and as always, we invite you to love and care for the Shero in you. Bye, bye.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Debbie Pearson

Host