Shero Cafe Podcast

036 The Power of Language: How Your Words Create Your Life Experience

• Deborah Edwards and Debbie Pearson

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Words carry more power than we often realize. They don't just describe our world—they actively create it. This profound truth sits at the heart of our discussion on being "impeccable with your word" and how conscious language choices shape our entire reality.

Remember that time you wanted something specific—like a convertible Volkswagen or were experiencing something new like pregnancy—and suddenly saw evidence of it everywhere? That's not coincidence. Our words direct our attention and literally manifest in our awareness. The vibration, energy, or "code" of what we speak attracts corresponding experiences into our lives.

We explore a powerful personal transformation around money language. Shifting from "I can't afford that" (which creates feelings of powerlessness and lack) to "I choose not to buy this right now" completely changes the experience from victim to empowered decision-maker. Same financial situation, entirely different psychological impact. This simple word change transforms beliefs about yourself and your relationship with money.

Traditional affirmations often fail because they create internal conflict when we repeat phrases that feel untrue based on our current experience. Instead, we suggest crafting statements that genuinely excite you and feel possible, like "show me opportunities where I can make money today"—which engages your brain in possibility-seeking rather than reinforcing dishonesty with yourself.

The simplest place to start practicing impeccable word choice? Your "yes" and "no" responses. Ensuring these basic words align with your true desires represents profound self-care—honoring your authentic self rather than automatically responding based on others' expectations. Even small interim steps like saying "let me think about it" can create the space needed for more truthful communication.

Listen in to discover how aligning your words with your truth isn't just about integrity—it's about creating a life that genuinely reflects who you are and what you value most. What reality are your words building today?

Thank you so much for the likes, love, and comments you leave. Not only does it mean the world to us, it helps other women who need to hear it be able to find it.

#womenempoweringwomen
#youmatter
#makeadifference


---CONNECT with Shero Cafe---
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---CONNECT with Deborah Edwards---
Let's Connect on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/deborah.edwards.372
Self Care Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/624202641785785
Website: https://gratefulom.life/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/deborahedwards-selfcarecoach/

---CONNECT with Debbie Pearson---
Facebook (personal): https://www.facebook.com/debbie.pearson.921
Facebook Group (Creative Self-Discovery Lab): https://www.facebook.com/groups/creativeselfdiscoverylab
Website: https://www.debbiepearson.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/debbiepearsoncoach/

Speaker 1:

Hey everybody, hi, debbie, it is so good to be back, and I am actually thinking today. We have been talking about being impeccable with your word and that was one of the things that we discussed in a prior episode and I've been thinking about how important our words are and how they shape our. You know our existence and what our life looks like, and how important it is that we use words very clearly and very just, with integrity, and I thought that would be a wonderful thing for us to have a conversation with about today.

Speaker 2:

I love that because I have been discovering, really, that same thing. I don't know if it's because of the book we read or if it's just time, but it's like I notice, and especially with my clients. They'll say always blah, blah, blah and it's like o. And especially with my clients, they'll say always blah, blah, blah and it's like oof, always, always. It's like let's regroup about. Is it really always? Or, you know, like never. What is it that we're saying to ourselves? And to kind of revisit how words do affect our lives, but not just it's our whole existence. I think you said that word already. It's our whole existence, right? So I think the way that we want to phrase it is let's take a look at words and that they mean a lot more in our lives than just communicating with each other. They tell us a story in our head.

Speaker 1:

Well, I think I'm not just a story in our head, but I think that these words, just like a lot of the things that we do, these words have consequences, they have actions that are associated with them. You know, if you know one of the things that you know, you say, well, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna speak that word because it's gonna come true. Well, it is true that that happens. Whatever you speak comes closer to you and it becomes part of your existence. So if I'm saying I'm a loser, I'm a loser, guess what the world will conspire to prove to you that you're a loser.

Speaker 2:

So it's like it's not just describing a reality, it's you literally building your reality, right? See what I mean. Like that feels different, different to me. Does that feel different to you describing reality but then actually building your reality, right?

Speaker 1:

because what we, what we um it's like present, tense and future. Yeah, your life to look and what we imagine our life to look like is what our life becomes. If you imagine that you're living in a hellhole, you know, and, and your and your life stinks, then guess what? That's what, what happens in your life if you are living a life that you see, the gratitude, the joy, that's what the fabric of your life is, and sometimes words are what creates those differences.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely. You know, looking at words as vibrations, right, sometimes people call it energy or code or whatever. There's different phrases that people might use. But if you think about how we receive things, one person can speak a phrase and two people will take it very differently. Or you may be, I don't know, maybe not in a bad mood, or maybe in a bad mood, but if somebody criticizes you, it's like how does that come across? If somebody compliments you, how does that come across?

Speaker 2:

And if we're not paying attention to our own vibration, our own level of energy and holding it in a clean space, then the other people's words can have an effect on us because we haven't fully learned to validate ourself. So, yeah, um, to me, this is where self care and self-love come in. It is how do I hold myself and what am I allowing from someone else, right? So if somebody does say something negative, that I can just allow that to be their experience, but not take it into my space and have it be part of my experience as well. Okay, my audience can't see you, but you just got this like little grin on your face. So what was going on with you there?

Speaker 1:

Well, there's a couple of things. Debbie, I have the perfect example for that. I, a while ago, I mean and this was when I was young Right, I was wanting to be very intentional about my money. I was living paycheck to paycheck and I did not want to be that person. So what I did is I decided to not necessarily put myself on a budget, but just have some goals.

Speaker 1:

So whenever I saw something well, there's a couple of things that I did, but one of the things is, whenever I saw something, I would tell myself you cannot afford that. And really those words told me that I was less than it really said, that I was powerless. And then I did not have the ability to have that, or it wasn't for me. And so I recognized that at some point, although I was saving money, paying off my debt, you know, and everything, it was coming from a place of weakness. And so I was creating this, I guess, vision of my life that I was a slave to my budget, not in control of my budget. So then I turned that around to say I choose not to buy this right now. So those words, just those little words, put me in the position of power and it felt like I was being powerful when I made those decisions, not weak, you know, I mean, have you had something like that?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I remember somebody telling me and I remember when they said it it struck me powerfully. They said you meaning we all, but you don't have the luxury of a negative thought. And I was like, wait, what I was like. You don't have the luxury of a negative thought and I was like, wait, what I was like, you don't have the luxury of an. It sounded just kind of like those two concepts, luxury and negative thought, just went against each other.

Speaker 2:

But we live in a way because we were taught nobody's fault, it's just the way our society, culture, whatever, ended up being where we complain a lot, right, like that's unfair. Basically, I'm a victim, right, you know how come they can have it and I can't. Oh, look, keep up with the Joneses, whatever the situation is, and then we can feel bad. But we grew up with all this where we begin to blame, shame and complain, the you don't have the luxury quote unquote. Luxury of a negative thought means just what happened to you. If you keep thinking this negative thought, I can't afford it, I can't afford it, I can't afford it you will live the I can't afford it. Life and so that was no choice. That's the thought that you were brought up with, and I don't mean your parents instilled it, I just mean in your life, that is the concept that permeated your brain and then you decided to change it. But you deciding to change it means that you chose something different, and this is what this is all about. You stepped outside of those words, the powerful words. This is the vibration. I don't have enough money. That vibration is I can just feel it when I say it like lower, sadder, more depressing, victimizing. It's just lower, lower Versus well, I'm going to choose not to buy that right now is empowering, right. And so you chose to be more impeccable with your word, like to make sure that the words you were using were empowering for you, even if you weren't really consciously aware of that. It's what you did.

Speaker 2:

That's a beautiful story to illustrate this point about how our words basically have. I'm not sure about codes. I know there's energy codes and words are coded and all that, but in a way I get it because I can feel how it feels in my body when I say it in a way like that's less empowering, which I don't have enough money versus I'm choosing not to purchase that right now. And we had talked about this, you and I a little bit about how words shape our beliefs. Right, and just saying the words in a particular way is going to shape what I believe. If I say it that way, I'm going to believe it that way. If I say it this other way, I get to believe it this other way because the vibration has changed.

Speaker 2:

The energy, the code, whatever you want to call it's changed, so I'm now able to have a different belief about my life. It doesn't have to be I can't afford it. It's I'm choosing, because you could have purchased something. You may not have gotten something else, but you could have purchased it. You chose not to, and so go ahead, go ahead, oh, I just finish it up with using different words gave you different belief, right, shaped it differently. And then when you use that different belief I'm choosing not to. That shapes your perception. I'm not poor. I'm choosing not to. That shapes your perception. I'm not poor. I'm just making a choice about do I want to give my money to that person, store whatever, and then that allows your experience of yourself and your life and what you're doing have more power because you've put yourself in that center place to choose the words that are going to most resonate with what's going on with you, instead of just repeating what's been in your head from for decades, right?

Speaker 1:

right, and one of the other things that I think happens is what you speak is manifest in your life.

Speaker 1:

So, for example, when I was, I was looking for a convertible volkswagen, and I saw convertible volkswagens everywhere, everywhere, everywhere, everywhere. And what that did, you know? First of all I'm speaking that, okay, I want to see, I want to buy a convertible volkswagen. And so then the universe kept bringing these, or you know, and they were there probably all the time, but then they became part of what I was seeing, and so I saw this one. I'm like don't like that color. Oh, I like this color. So it's manifest in real life. So then, when I got to finally make the decision of what I wanted real life so then, when I got to finally make the decision of what I wanted, I'm like, yep, this is what I want, this is what I want it to look like, because the universe has given me all of these choices and all of these examples. And so I was able to be more clear of what I wanted to manifest. And so what you speak, manifest in the universe, manifest in the world, manifest in your life. So speak good things, right, oh, absolutely.

Speaker 2:

I'm going to like piggyback on your example and it's going to bring us. I don't know if this will, but I want to go to if it's all right with you to go to affirmations right after this, because I love what you just said. Growing up and being a teenager and dating, I never wanted to be pregnant or have a baby.

Speaker 1:

I didn't want to get married.

Speaker 2:

I just didn't want that. And then I met a particular man and we did get married and for some reason, the baby gene kicked in. I'm like I want to have a baby, right. I don't know where it came from, because I am not the motherly nurturing type okay, just I'm not, um, but it was time for that to happen. And it did. And I got pregnant and deborah, they was pregnant people everywhere like I never like where'd all these pregnant people come from? Like I'd never seen them before, because it was not part of what I desired in my life, but it was just. It's so crazy.

Speaker 2:

Now I do believe there's part of the brain that works on that and we can go over that another time, because I do love talking about the brain. But it was just so fascinating to me. Like you, you're like, wow, Volkswagen convertibles everywhere. To me it was that same, just so real, Like I really was stunned that I was seeing so many pregnant people. But to go back to yours, it was like what I'm hearing you say, when you were like wanting this convertible Volkswagen and all this is showing up. It was like you could feel it as a real possibility for yourself, Right, and to me that that is the biggest key and the biggest difference between believing that it's manifest You're manifesting it for yourself, truly believing it, feeling that and an affirmation. I don't know about you and I probably have said this on the podcast before, but affirmations never worked for me and I want to caveat that with.

Speaker 2:

I thought that if I believed what others told me, you've got to say it a lot like three times a day or whatever. Three times, six times, whatever the numbers are. You know, if you do that, then it'll happen, It'll come true. And I did. I was a good girl and I did what I was told and I kept track of it because I wanted to make sure. And you know, money flows easily to me was my mantra Money flows easily to me, Money flows easily to me. But I didn't really believe it because the proof of my bank account was that that was not true. And but money's hard to come by was a true statement. For me, it's like, oh my God, there's more month at the end of my paycheck. You know, it was just all the typical statements that people make, Right? So you know saying those words um, you know whether it's money, or like I'm strong, or you know, whatever the phrase is, as an affirmation that you don't truly believe. And I think that's the key If you say an affirmation and you truly believe it, go for it.

Speaker 2:

Like I'm not dogging affirmations themselves, I'm suggesting we pay attention to how we feel when we say them. Are we believing them? Because what I discovered was for me, it has to be different, Like for me to do the money thing. I would have to say, instead of like the mantra, it would be more like the excitement of, ooh, show me opportunities where I can make more money today. That felt uplifting and exciting versus, I'll just say, like the more negative feeling I would feel after saying money comes easily to me because I'm lying to myself. My self knows right, I can't lie to myself. And so to say those words money comes easily to me felt bad, wrong, not true. Saying, oh, show me opportunity where I can make money or that where something else is going to happen. That felt exciting and uplifting and it also gave my brain something to look for. Oh, it's like a little puzzle.

Speaker 1:

Oh, where is that?

Speaker 2:

at Right. I want to go find that. And then I can feel like a winner because I'm like that's an opportunity, yeah, that. And then I can feel like a winner because I'm like that's an opportunity, yay, I won because I found it. And then I can go pursue that opportunity and and now it happens all the time like I just like there's also opportunities that pop up that I don't want. So I'm like, nope, not that one. And I have that choice again whether or not I want to go in that direction. Because then I'm choosing if I do go in that direction I can make money, but I'm it's taking me away from the direction I want to go in right. So now I'm like, okay, good, but I've got opportunities all over the place. They just they show up because I ask for the opportunities to be seen.

Speaker 2:

I get to focus on that, so yeah, right, right, and, and I do.

Speaker 1:

I think that's a perfect example. I mean, I keep bringing this up about being impeccable with your word. Yes, Because you have to have a level of authenticity and honesty with yourself with the words that you use, right? And so if you don't have that connection with yourself or if you don't even take the time to you know so, like in those situations like with the, with the money situation that I had and I had another one today, but the money situation that I had I had to stop and have that awareness of the words that I was using. So part of your self-love and your self-care is to listen to yourself, Take the time to listen to your words, have the curiosity of how is that landing for me, how is that landing in the universe? What does that? Does that? Do those words help or hurt me? And having that level of curiosity and connection with your true self and your values and your awareness of self-care and self-love is what's gonna guide your decision in. Does that help or hurt?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, is it taking you closer or further away? Is it expansive or restrictive? Yeah, and it's like just the phrase be impeccable with your word kind of sounds like don't lie, but it goes so much deeper and just what you're saying to internalize it like okay, if you're going to use the don't lie part, then don't lie to yourself, because you can't fool yourself. Yourself knows right. So, yeah, it's so beneficial. And to pay attention to how impeccable am I being in every situation which almost sounds like overwhelming. And I can't do that.

Speaker 2:

Yes, you can, yes, you must. If you want to live that life and I do, because I find the more impeccable I am with my word, the easier it becomes, and it's actually the less stress I have, because then I don't have to remember other things like what did I say or was I nice to that person when I really didn't really like what was going on? But I didn't want to upset that like it doesn't. It's not that I'm mean or rude, I'm just more true to the life I want to live. You know which I? You know, whatever my life, whatever my choices are, it's just I'm more clean and inside of myself and so it feels what is, what is it? It's a higher vibration to be, there.

Speaker 2:

It takes a minute, but it's worth the minute.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and one of the things that you know that I always talk about is baby steps, yes. So I invite us the audience, the listener to start with two words yes and no. Just start with two words. So, when you say yes, make sure it's a true yes. When you say no, make sure it's a true. No, make sure that you are. When you say yes, it is aligned with what your true belief is, that you really want to say yes, that's self-care and self-love, and when you say no.

Speaker 1:

You know, make sure that you're truly aligned with that. You know, is that self-care or that's self-care and self-love? I say no sometimes when I really want to say yes, but I feel like I can't be a good southern girl if I say yes, can't be a good Southern girl if I say yes. I mean those kinds of things. You know, if it's something that I say no to because everybody else mama and them think I should say no to it, but I really want to do it, you know. Think about that. So just think about two words, yes and no, and how you can be, you know, true to yourself with those two words.

Speaker 2:

Well, let's take it just one step farther. Let's say somebody does start doing that and they're like I need to pay attention to that. I'm going to start like really looking at my absolute yes or my absolute no, or am I not being absolute and I'm just saying yes and no randomly because I think I'm supposed to? And let's say, they get to that point where they're like okay, I'm noticing and I'm saying yes when really I don't want to do it, or I'm saying no, what might be a baby step that they could take either in that moment or later, whatever, I don't know. I'm kind of delivering to you to help them move toward a more absolute yes, or that they can be more true to themselves whether they're saying yes or no. But do you get what I'm asking?

Speaker 1:

Yeah. And what helped me when I started doing this is like just asking myself the question before I said yes or no is this an absolute yes, is this an absolute no? If this is not an absolute yes, why is it not? I may still say yes, but if this is not an absolute yes, what are the consequences? And why am I saying this? Why what? It is just asking the question why am I saying yes or why am I saying no?

Speaker 2:

so that might, it makes sense.

Speaker 2:

I'm just, I'm putting myself in the shoes of the person that has not had the experience of being that clear and that absolute, especially if it's like your mom's asking you the question to do something and you're like, oh God, you know, my family member, whatever, but like it feels like a lot to be able to like go through that many questions in the moment.

Speaker 2:

So in my experience, I, you know, I've learned that I've I had to go through a number, whatever the number is, but I had to go through some number of times of saying yes when I wanted to say no and thinking about it like at home or later on or whatever, and kind of start putting some frameworks into place so that the next time it came up to see where I was and could I still say, could I say no this time, and eventually I got to where I could say no. It didn't happen overnight, though. No, no, no, okay, it took a minute, well, many minutes, but you know so many times before I could say no, but you know that that is that phrase is termed as moral courage.

Speaker 2:

And it's getting to the point of recognizing your own worth, to the point of I may have to say no to someone that's going to be really challenged with me saying no, they're not going to want to hear that. But I have to honor who I am and what's also right for me as an individual. And I'll give you a really quick story, I guess, if you will. I was taking care of my mom. She has dementia, but I'm really not the right person for caregiving. That's not a strong suit. I'm a task-oriented person and I found that out not because I took a test or whatever, but I really wondered why I felt different and why all these other people could sit around and chat all day long but I just wanted to go, like let's just go clean the house or go to the grocery store, like that has been part of my life. I even wondered about certain jobs that I took, like why did I like that job so much? It turned out it was a task oriented job and I realized, wow, that is actually a strength for me, like I'm really good at it and you know that, deborah, because you're like you do that, because I'll take on those parts of the podcast, because I'm good at that part. So I'm watching my mom know, caring for my mom I'm living at that house and they're just there comes a point.

Speaker 2:

It took a while, took years, okay, to get to the point where I said, where I was able to tell my family and they lost their freaking mind. But I was able to get to the point of being absolutely clear about I love my mom. But being the caregiver of her person goes so antithesis to who I am that we both have a bad experience. She's frustrated, I'm frustrated. I'm good at taking care of all the fine print, the legal, the medical, all of that stuff that most people don't like doing. I don't like it, but I'm better at it. So my sister and I ended up getting to the point where she started taking care of my mom and my mom actually blossomed with her because there's family there, grandkids are coming in and out the house and all kinds of things are going on that she loves because she's a people person.

Speaker 2:

My mom is where with me, I'm isolating, trying to run a business and I like to read, you know, like all these things where it's very individual, and my mom would be like let's be together and I'm like. But I know, but I knew I had to. But then it was challenging for me because it's not just my natural proclivity, right. So to be knowledgeable of what's genuine for you, not trying to hurt anybody, not getting over on anybody, not egotistical, just knowing deeply who you are and what's right for you helps bring you forward, to be able to get to the point of saying no, and more than just no. You know it is more than that. But even if you have to like slowly say, you know I'm saying yes this time, but maybe next time you could ask somebody else because I really don't want to do this anymore. So it's, you're easing into it so that it isn't just a blatant but.

Speaker 1:

Well, one thing that I and you know, and I totally agree with all of that, totally. But I also know that there's something that you can do in the moment. So one of the things that I like to do is and this is a baby step, and it's a well-received baby step step is when I'm asked a question that's a yes or no, I'll say, well, I don't know, let me think about it. Well, that you know, and so I give myself the space to think about it. I give them an answer, so you know I don't an answer, so that they know that I'm really honoring their question. But I'm honoring their question and I'm honoring my sovereignty.

Speaker 2:

I don't want to say sovereignty, sovereignty, but myself, it is what's beautiful about that, deborah, I think, even though people that you're changing from might be a little frustrated because it means they've got to change a little bit and they may not want to change right. But what you're actually doing is you're setting yourself up for respect, right? They're like to change from going sure, okay, when you don't want to say yes and saying, well, let me think about it. Or I think I have something planned, let me check my calendar. Whatever words you want to use.

Speaker 2:

A person wants to use let's the other person know that you have value as well. Right. Wants to use lets the other person know that you have value as well, right. And so now you're saying I, I am answering you, I'm respecting that part of you, I'm going to get back with you, I am going to give you an answer, and we need to give that person an answer, even if it's the wrong answer for them. Yeah, what's the right answer for us? Right comes if you want it, right. And this again, being impeccable, I guess, with your word, but being impeccable with yourself, which shows up in words and thoughts and things like that. So, and actions, yeah, oh, absolutely yeah.

Speaker 1:

So, um, yeah, self-love, self-care love it, love, love it, love it, love it. Baby steps yes and no.

Speaker 2:

So I think that we are wrapping this up, yes, yes, good, and so I want to thank everybody for the loves, the likes, the comments, all the sharing. You guys, it's just amazing watching things grow because we do this, because we just absolutely love it. Things grow because we do this, because we just absolutely love it, and when you let us know that you're loving it too, through those things, we just we know what you're looking for. We want to do more of that. So we thank you so so much, and always.

Speaker 1:

We invite you to love and care for the Shiro in you Love and care for the Shiro in you.

Speaker 2:

I had to say it Couldn't help it. Bye, y'all all right, bye.

People on this episode

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Debbie Pearson

Host
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Deborah Edwards

Host