039 - #Debbie - Freedom is What We Want-But Not the Kind You Think

Freedom is what we all desire—freedom to live life on our terms, make our own decisions, and escape financial constraints. But what happens when mindset work alone isn't cutting it? When we keep cycling through the same emotional patterns despite our best efforts?

The missing piece in our personal growth journey lies in what I call the "Self-Trust Sequence." While most of us excel at awareness (recognizing our triggers) and attempt activation (calming techniques like meditation or therapy), we rarely reach the crucial third stage: alignment. This is where true transformation happens.

Alignment isn't about managing emotions—it's about understanding them. When you become intimately familiar with your needs, beliefs, and values, you develop a profound inner clarity that doesn't require external validation. You learn specific skills to navigate your emotional landscape just as effectively as you navigate the physical world. The result? You stop operating from your triggers and start living from your truth.

The emotional world exists between the physical and spiritual realms, yet it's the dimension we most often skip. By developing self-trust skills, you can identify exactly what's tripping you up in challenging moments and move through blocks with increasing speed and ease. With practice, this process becomes almost instantaneous, allowing you to experience what freedom really means—emotional liberation.

Ready to break free from recurring emotional patterns? Learn the skills that transform awareness into alignment and discover how to trust yourself when it matters most. This is the path to becoming "more awesome on the inside"—where true freedom begins.

Thank you so much for the likes, love, and comments you leave. Not only does it mean the world to us, it helps other women who need to hear it be able to find it.

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Chapters

• 0:00 What Everyone Truly Wants: Freedom
• 1:53 The Four Stages of Self-Trust
• 6:14 Physical World vs Emotional World
• 10:37 Finding Emotional Freedom Through Alignment
• 15:01 Applying Self-Trust in Real Situations

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:18

so what is it that everybody wants? Freedom, right. Freedom to be able to live your life the way you want to, whether it's your job or your personal life. Freedom to be able to make your own decisions. I mean freedom about everything, financially, everything.

Speaker 1: 0:34

It's so challenging because we've got a whole lot of stuff in this part of our brain, the unconscious part of our brain, so we look for ways to sidestep it, to get around it, to understand life differently. So a lot of us will do mindset work. We look for things like how do I shift and change? It's like how do I shift and change Sorry, I got something going on over here how do I shift and change my belief from what it is to something else? How do I feel different? Like if I've got no money in my bank account and three bills come in the mail and it's like how am I going to pay this and eat? Or how am I going to even make it to the end of the month? There's trauma involved there going to even make it to the end of the month. There's trauma involved there. A lot of it's because of what we were taught growing up, but now we're not at home anymore, so how do we go around that? You know a lot of people do mindset work, like I said.

Speaker 1: 1:32

But mindset work isn't enough. There's more to it than that. Through my studies, which has probably been over 40 years, um, I have come up with like there's four stages and of course there's a bunch of steps in each stage, each stage, but there's four stages in something I call the self-trust um sequence. Stage one, which I'm sure you've you're good at, is awareness. It's like awareness is always step one. It's like, oh my gosh, something I didn't see before. Now I see it like that's amazing to be able to like all of a sudden, like how old was I when I finally realized I don't have to do what that person told me I needed to do? Right? So so big awareness.

Speaker 1: 2:19

The second step is activation. So a lot of people will go what do I do with this information? So we'll maybe do the typical things meditation, journal, reiki, eft, tapping, maybe do Oracle cards or something, something where we feel like I want to have a little control over this awareness and so I'm moving to that next step or phase. I'm activating something in my life so I can shift and change, and a lot of times we get breakthroughs and ahas, and we're excited about that. And then something happens and that thing, that thing comes around again. So maybe we're tapping or breathing or meditating and we feel like, oh gosh, I feel so calm now I've overcome that thing. And then again life passes and it shows up again and we're like I keep coming back to the same thing and I go into my activation stage, I calm and I feel much better, and then time passes and it shows up again. What do we do now? What is that? That's going on. So a lot of times people feel like I feel like something's off, something's missing something, there's something more. And it's true, there is something more. And it's like and it's true, there is something more, and it's like we have not moved to the next stage.

Speaker 1: 3:41

So the third stage of the self-trust sequence is alignment. So just calming down is awesome. We need that. Do what works for you and everybody's different. So do what works for you.

Speaker 1: 4:04

But the next phase or stage is alignment. How do I align myself to that calm? What is it about the calm that feels right? Well, the reason it feels right is because something inside of you, you got your needs met, the need for feeling safe, or it could be many different things. There's a lot of universal needs, so I don't want to go through them all, but I have sheets of paper and lists. If you need something, let me know what's actually going on with me.

Speaker 1: 4:38

I need to understand what's going on that I shift into this triggered state. What is that about? So we pursue, we go further, we maybe take some courses, but we don't assimilate it into our lives, maybe a little, and then we feel like, okay, I got this, and then we stop, but then it shows up again and we may have gone a long enough time that we've kind of forgotten that thing and we just go back to the activation, where we calm down. Oh, I feel so much better. So I want to talk a little bit more about why we're between these two states of awareness and activation, and then alignment, and then the fourth stage, which is actualization. Actualization means you've aligned yourself to such a point and practiced it. That's the key component. You've practiced it enough that when there is something that comes up that's triggering you, you're so clear that you don't really need to go back and calm down. It's like you don't even get a rise. So I like to say you're no longer operating from your triggers but from your truth.

Speaker 1: 5:51

All right, so we live in a physical world and we're intimately familiar with this physical world. And we're intimately familiar with this physical world, we know how to do things. And if we don't know, we know where to go to find out. Between searching in Google and chat AI I'll say AI, we know how to go, excuse me, find an answer. So we got the physical world figured out, but then there's that missing something.

Speaker 1: 6:19

A lot of us, because there's a lot of it on the internet, we jump over to the spiritual world and that's a lot of the mindset and maybe the Reiki or and I'm not picking on Reiki Reiki is awesome. If it works for you, it's awesome, but it's the something else, but it's not grounded per se. It's like you got to go back again and again and again and sometimes the situation remedies itself and it could be sound healing, it could be breathing or anything. Sometimes your situation remedies itself, you have another awareness and then boop, it's, it is done after that. But then there's other times where it doesn't, and so you're repeating and going back to your therapist that you know, the reiki master you. So you're repeating and going back to your therapist, that you know, the Reiki master, you know you're getting other people possibly involved. So the spiritual world is kind of like the third step.

Speaker 1: 7:11

So there's the physical world, step one. There's a step two that most of us just never, ever, ever look at, and then there's step three, the physical world. So the step two is the emotional world, and we all know we have emotions. But I hear people online like gurus or whatever, talking and they say things like I hear people online like gurus or whatever, talking and they say things like you got to manage your emotions, you've got to regulate your emotions. And I don't know about you, but that sounds horrible to me. I don't want to manage my emotions, I don't want to regulate my emotions. I want to understand why am I having this emotion? Why does it keep coming up? Why can't I stop that? And I came to realize like I wanted that question answered for myself, and so I finally stepped out to answer why is that? And I began to learn that we have to have certain skills. It's just like learning to ride the bike and the whole cooking or whatever. Those are skills.

Speaker 1: 8:12

Our lives are built on skills. Just think about almost anything you do, there's some skill that you learned that's involved from your daily life to what you do at work, to how you search for things. It's all skills, skills based, and you are really good at it. You're good at that because that part's of the physical world, so we're intimately familiar with how to create skills or how to apply our skills. But when it comes to the emotional world, why am I feeling that? What's going on with me? Why do I get so triggered when X happens? Why doesn't so-and-so do this other thing? Because if they did, I would feel so much better. Like, over and over and over again. It's almost as if we're trying to get the rest of the world to try to change so that we don't have a feeling of discomfort.

Speaker 1: 9:03

Okay, so the not good, the better news about that is when you learn enough about yourself and you learn those skills that I'm talking about, you don't need other people to validate you, and that's so much of what's going on. We feel disconnected, we feel like we don't belong and because of that we feel like we need other people to validate us, to kind of let us know we're going in the right path, validate us, to kind of let us know we're going in the right path. I say when you learn enough about yourself, when you're clear and I'm talking about specific things your needs, your beliefs, your values, what's driving how you see the world, what your life feels like when your needs are met, when they aren't met, when you are clear for yourself not what I think, what you think, this is about what you think when you're clear about what's going on inside of you, there's a calmness that comes that you don't need to go outside of yourself, you don't need to go to the therapist. And I'm not saying stop going, I'm saying there just comes a point where you're like I feel like this other person has given me everything they can and I can't really learn anymore from this person. You may go to, like I said, reiki or meditation or reflective journaling or whatever, and you go. I've gotten well, I don't know about reflective journaling because that's pretty awesome, but it's like some of these other things.

Speaker 1: 10:31

It's like you may say I don't need that thing anymore. And I'm not putting anything down. I'm not asking you to stop anything. You have to do what feels right for you and that's what this is all about. That's where freedom comes in. That's how we become emotionally regulated. Still wish there was another word for that. Oh gosh, become emotionally regulated. Still wish there was another word for that.

Speaker 1: 10:56

Oh gosh, in touch with our emotions. Like when I have a reaction to something, I know almost immediately what it is because I've been doing this work. So there are certain things that would trigger me to the point of anger before, like how dare they do this? But now it's like oh, there, that is again. That thing showed up again. I can't believe it showed up again. Thought I was done with that. But no, there it is again. Don't get angry anymore about it. It's like I get it and I know that the thing that triggered me is from old programming, my old stories. It's my old life, not the life I want to live. And the life that I want to live is a life of emotional freedom. So when we say freedom, I think we all want physical freedom. Nobody wants to be in a cage but what we really mean is emotional freedom, and that includes financial. It's like am I in touch with that, right? Am I emotionally in touch with that? Okay, that's a whole nother video we might talk about another time.

Speaker 1: 11:57

So let me talk about the alignment part. Again, there's four stages. So the first one is awareness. Oh, okay, I get it, I see that I'm aware of it. Then there's activation, and activation is I'm going to employ that thing, meditating, journaling, going to see somebody to help me out, going to see somebody to help me out. The next one's alignment. Alignment's the tricky one. Okay, alignment is the one that most of us don't have, and there's certain skills that we need in order to become aligned with who we are.

Speaker 1: 12:32

So I'll talk about self-trust and confidence and then we'll wrap this up. But I want to say the fourth one is actualization Okay, self-trust, confidence. One is actualization Okay, self-trust, confidence. More than likely, you've got them. Okay, if you're watching this video, you're looking for something. You're looking for something. Something's missing, there's something else, there's something off. What is it? For me, it was the most difficult thing to articulate. I finally understood what was going on.

Speaker 1: 13:04

When I have I'm very, I'm pretty confident person like I've, I will go places by myself, talk like go walk the 500 mile path called El Camino de Santiago. I went by myself. There's lots of other people there, but I chose not to go as a group or with a tour group or whatever. I just booked my flight and I went. When I wanted to change jobs, I moved hundreds of miles away where I didn't know anybody. Like I got confidence.

Speaker 1: 13:32

My problem was I would come up against a situation and I wasn't sure what to do. And so, even though I feel like I can trust myself to figure the answers out and I have that confidence there are times when I could not. Well, what do you do in those moments? Right? So the skills that I teach are all about? You may still have to ask that question what do I do right now?

Speaker 1: 14:01

But there's a process to go through, the self-trust process. You go through this process and there's like these questions and you can, as you get better at them, you go through them a lot quicker and you get to like the fourth one or the fifth one, like that's where your little trip up is and you're like, oh, what is it right there? That's stopping me. When you can do that, there's so much more calm in your life because you've got something you can use again and again, and you've got something that you can use as you evolve, and that's critical. I don't do the same things I used to do a long time ago. What worked for me before, it just doesn't work for me now. However, this ever-evolving self-trust formula. No matter what's going on with you, you can ask these same questions and that goes into the parts of you that you've become more and more intimately familiar with and then they make sense. So no longer, if somebody says something, do I like kind of panic, like oh my God, I don't know what to say, or what will they think of me if, blah, blah. It's like slowly but surely, that went away and I would imagine it's going to come back at some point. You know like, yeah, it did.

Speaker 1: 15:20

Actually, I was in the hospital emergency room a couple of weeks ago and the emergency room doctor came in and he sat down, he's talking to me and then he says so what do you do? And it was like I froze up, like he's not my people. So I was for a moment like terrified to tell him, because I went like a million thoughts went through my head. But I applied and I was like, oh, okay, I can see, I see him as an authority. I feel fear. What I need is to let myself know I'm okay. And then I just answered him. So it was like boom, boom, boom, and I was able to go through that in like nanoseconds.

Speaker 1: 16:01

That's freedom. That is freedom, but it is emotional freedom. Okay, so the the bottom line. The last thing I want to tell you is basically, alignment is the stage of the self-trust sequence, where you get to learn what to do when it matters most, how to handle that when it matters most. Okay, that's it for today. I know this is a little long, but I'm so happy that you stuck with me through the whole thing. I'm Debbie Pearson, helping you become more awesome on the inside.