Shero Cafe Podcast

043 - Reclaiming Your Worth: Breaking Free from Inherited Beliefs

• Deborah Edwards and Debbie Pearson

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Self-love isn’t selfish—it’s sacred. Yet most of us put ourselves last. Why? Because we’ve absorbed beliefs that tell us we’re not worthy of care or rest.

In this conversation, we explore how those old stories show up as thoughts like “I don’t have time” or “I should put others first.” Many of us grew up where self-care was shamed—where rest meant laziness and treating yourself felt indulgent. The hidden message: you’re not worth the investment.

Breaking free starts with awareness and practice. Instead of chasing perfection, we focus on progress—small, consistent acts that honor your worth. Try shifting “I should” into “I choose,” asking whose voice you’re hearing, and giving yourself permission to evolve.

Mindset, self-care, and self-love form a cycle. Nurture one, and the others grow. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Fill yourself first, and you’ll have more to give—not less. Self-care isn’t what you do; it’s who you become when you honor your value. You deserve care simply because you exist.

Thank you so much for the likes, love, and comments you leave. Not only does it mean the world to us, it helps other women who need to hear it be able to find it.

#womenempoweringwomen
#youmatter
#makeadifference


---CONNECT with Shero Cafe---
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---CONNECT with Deborah Edwards---
Let's Connect on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/deborah.edwards.372
Self Care Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/624202641785785
Website: https://gratefulom.life/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/deborahedwards-selfcarecoach/

---CONNECT with Debbie Pearson---
Website: https://www.debbiepearson.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/debbiepearsoncoach/
Email: deb@debbiepearson.com

Debbie:

so today we're going to be talking about self-love and self-care. You know, so many of us have been conditioned to put other, other people first, right to the point where, um, we're told self-love or self-care is selfish. But I believe caring for yourself is not a luxury, but it's a right. And today we're going to be talking about mindset and how the beliefs we carry often are inherited from our families, culture, society, and they can make us hesitate to love and care for ourselves fully. Now, before we go any further, if you like our content, please subscribe to the Shero Cafe. Not only do we appreciate you very much, but it goes a long way to help support our mission to change the world by first starting to love and care for ourselves. Now let's go ahead and get into it.

Deborah:

Wow, Debbie, I love this topic and what comes to mind to me is how important and how your mindset, wherever it comes from. I mean, we all have past, we all have limiting beliefs, we have things that inform us right now, but whatever the state of your mindset is kind of determines how we think about ourselves, and how we think about ourselves determines whether we think self-care is optional, indulgent or necessary. And the stories that we tell ourselves about what we deserve, our inner narratives, help or hinder our commitment to self-care. So, for example, I'm trying to reshape my exercise routine and I truly believe that I deserve it right, I really deserve it, and one of the things that I keep telling myself is that I don't have time you know, or I.

Deborah:

you know I, but I know I'm worth the time, so I'm going to make it happen. And just knowing that and having that awareness that I am worthy enough for it to be a priority for me helps inform me on what my next steps are in my self-care journey.

Debbie:

It is so interesting how being like I guess you could say becoming aware of, like you said, use the statement I don't have enough time, and it actually is a limiting belief, although it doesn't necessarily feel like one, because there is literally only 24 hours in the day and we sleep this percentage of time and we work this percentage of time, or whatever. But making certain things priorities is like a choice we have, Whether we put that particular activity, which is, of course, very healthy for us, above something else, like I don't know. I'm going to make it up. I'm not blaming anybody or accusing anybody, but maybe do I scroll on my computer or my phone like an hour a day? If I do, I know I have time to work out. It doesn't even take an hour, depending on what you do. But it's a choice, because maybe that's my quiet time or my personal time or something I really really love doing, right, my personal time, or something I really really love doing Right. So how do we balance that out? How do we put self-care into practice when we're challenged with those kinds of thoughts Like which one's more important, if you will, or which one's the priority when we want all of it. You know and I guess I'm trying to get to something like I remember growing up If, if someone was taking a nap, oh, everybody was talking bad about him.

Debbie:

Yeah, oh, yeah, you didn't. You don't get to take a nap. Who do you think you are? We've got work to do.

Debbie:

Like no kidding, yeah, it was. It was not good. Um, if, if you bought stuff for yourself, it was okay If you got it from like the five and dime you know kind of thing. But if you went up, step up and you bought something that was really nice, unless you had a very specific reason, then there was an attitude that came out of it, um, um, it's almost as if somebody else was. Maybe there was a jealousy. Or if we all hold ourselves down and not allow anybody to step forward, then we won't have to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed that we don't know how to do that too. And this is all mindset that comes from, at least for me, it was family, that in the family that I grew up in. But it was just. It's interesting that at some point I moved away from the family to another state and I started seeing things differently and recognizing that I wasn't hearing those things all the time and I did take a nap and the world didn't crumble, you know, and it was it was nice.

Deborah:

One of the, yeah, like one of the things that and I love that you know after you moved away, then you could get away from those messages. You know, because when they say, oh yeah, you can get it from the, you know from the dollar store, but you can't get it from the, you know the boutique or whatever, you know what they were telling you. You know what. You're not worth it Exactly.

Deborah:

You're not worth that boutique thing and you getting away from that mindset and and coming back to you and choosing you and allowing yourself to connect with your own self-love and self-care, then you're saying you know what? Okay, you know those crazies over there. I'm not saying your family's crazy.

Debbie:

They're crazy.

Deborah:

It's crazy in a way that's uncomfortable, kind of crazy, yeah, you know those people over there, you know, are telling me that I'm not worth it. Guess what I am telling me, and I am going to create my self-care and my mindfulness and self-love practices because I'm telling me I am worth every bit of it and so I can make those choices that support that new belief that I put into myself to carry me through all of this stuff.

Debbie:

Right, it brings up two words for me permission and validation. For whatever reason you know the crazy family that I grew up in it was there was a sense of needing their permission in order to move forward on something, or else I'd be talked bad about and for whatever reason that drove my life Like I was really terrified. I don't even know if that's the right word, but I felt like I'd be rejected or I wouldn't belong if I didn't do what they wanted. And the other one, that was the permission one, but the validation. I didn't know how to give myself validation or permission in this case. And so, because I didn't know how to take care of myself when I didn't know how to love myself, I didn't know how to give myself permission or validation, and that meant other people had control. That.

Debbie:

I so yeah.

Deborah:

And you know. The thing about that is you know, one of the things that I always say to my clients is you know what it's baby steps? You know you don't move away from the situation. Then all of a sudden you're like here you know, I know it all.

Deborah:

I'm just perfect in self-care and self-love. I love myself. Life is good. It's a process and it's you know it's. It's allowing yourself the, the time, the space, the the grace to reframe those prior, you know mindsets that allow you to enter into that learning process and to give yourself the grace to know that it is progress over process, you know or not, progress over process, progress over perfection. I'm never going to be perfect, but I know that each decision that I make moves me closer to perfection.

Deborah:

And then you know, and then they move the carrot out a little bit more, but still you're you're, you're going a little bit further into it and just having that awareness, that um, that you're worth it, you know even if it's that that progress is an inch, you're worth it and just celebrate those, those, those, those, those wins as well. Yeah, there's a saying practice makes I'm not going to say perfect, because I know darn well that there is no perfection. Practice makes more practice.

Debbie:

I said practice makes perfect. For years and years and years. And I was talking to a friend at one night and I said something about practice makes perfect. She goes, we like to say practice makes progress.

Deborah:

Oh yeah.

Debbie:

I love that. Yeah, that's doable. Practice makes progress is doable. We can progress little by little, by little and move ourselves forward without feeling like I'm not there yet. Right To me, the perfect part the word practice makes perfect.

Debbie:

It's like I've been practicing for 20 years and I'm not there yet. But we don't ever have to be perfect, that's a misnomer. That's a misnomer. We just have to take where we are and like if we've been practicing something different. For you know, like you're saying, it's a process, it takes time, no matter what it is.

Debbie:

But if we continue to practice loving ourselves, caring for ourselves, when something does happen and we see that we're we didn't care for ourselves or love ourselves, that's our opportunity to take a moment and say, huh, I wonder what I could do next time a similar situation comes up, so that I do like a better job of caring or loving for myself, like a better job of caring or loving for myself. That's a progress because it's helping us move closer and closer toward what it is we really want, and I think most of us would want to love and care for ourselves. And I just find it interesting that um and we, so many of us, grew up where it was like self-care was discouraged and self-love was selfish. And I look at them now and I'm like no, self-care is critical and self-love is something we need more of. I personally believe and then I'll shut up I personally believe that if every person on this planet loved themselves more and practice it and progressed with it right, that there would be so much less strife in this world.

Deborah:

I mean I totally agree. I mean I'm and, Debbie, you were telling me a story earlier about a woman that you ran across in a store and and, and I think that's just a perfect example to how, you know, that mindset carries us through. And, you know, maybe all of us didn't get it when we were young, but we can get it.

Debbie:

Yeah, absolutely, Did I tell it on this podcast? No, oh, okay, We'll be off there for a second, I don't remember. But basically what I had said was there was. I went to this little shop the other day and I saw this young lady. She's early mid-twenties and she had like a little pixie haircut and it was like a light blue, and then she had this outfit on, where she had like a little black mini skirt and a black top and black stockings and black boots and she's all all this jewelry all over her, you know, and her hands and her wrists and her ears, and she was adorable and and so I told her, I said like look how you're made up, put together. I was like you are absolutely adorable.

Debbie:

And she was super friendly and very kind hearted and was helpful, without being in my face conversation, and it turned out that she grew up in a family that helped her feel comfortable expressing herself and being who she wanted to be, without inserting, impressing whatever the right word is the parents' views on her. So she had that freedom to do what felt right for her but also receive their support. And I mean that's like the total opposite of what how I remember being raised it was. You know we've got all this stuff to do and you've got to be part of it.

Debbie:

If you're not, you're bad and wrong, and you know it was. It was a very, um uh, limited, restrictive way to live, Because if I didn't fall into line, there was the fear of being rejected, abandoned, all those uncomfortable sensations, and you know it was that really hard thing to like, you know, stay in a place where I actually didn't feel comfortable staying in, mentally right, Like I didn't like that. So to hear this young lady talk about it, and to get back what you were saying, to hear this young lady talk about you know I'm able to be this free, like inside and out, because I had such support from the people that raised me. I was like wow, and you were saying how that was the good example.

Deborah:

So, yeah, yeah, I love that example because, you know, not all of us have had that, that that wonderful parenting right or that wonderful um, I don't know system that you grew up in. I don't know system that you grew up in. You know, I had a great one. I had a very balanced childhood. We worked really hard but we played really hard and we were really encouraged to take care of ourselves, whether it's financially, whether my dad taught us I know this is way back a hundred years ago, but when we got cars, my dad taught us I know this is way back a hundred years ago, but when we got cars, my dad taught us to change tires and change the oil and do all of that stuff. Those were ways that he was teaching us to take care of ourselves and that we were worth knowing how to do those things.

Deborah:

So I know a lot of my clients are are stuck with their self care because they're saying, well, I didn't get this back here, but you can get it now. You can take those little steps with mindset affirmations, with you know different mindfulness practices. You can give that to yourself, you know.

Debbie:

Yeah, so let's let me share a couple examples of how we can maybe change things around. For somebody that says my value comes from what I do for others right, we have that feeling that we need to take care of everything and everybody else before we can take care of ourselves. What if a reframe for that might be my value comes from who I am, not what I produce. That doesn't mean don't help or take care of other people, but it means that the taking care of or doing for you know what other people can do for themselves.

Debbie:

I'm certainly not talking about an invalid or a baby or whatever, but um, that that when we can turn the the, I'm only valuable because I do those things? And turn it back on ourselves. It's like I'm valued because of who I am as a person, right? Another one that might say you know, I don't have time for self-care. And if we really look at, well, what is self-care? You know, self-care isn't necessarily mani-pedis, a massage, something that, where you leave the house and there's nothing wrong with those. Those are great. If you have time and money to do them, go for it.

Debbie:

But for those who say I don't have time for self care, like to go in my room and read for a little while or maybe meditate without being interrupted, whatever, it's like, if we think about it from a different perspective, that caring for myself gives me more energy and time for what matters. Right, right, seeing like oh, when I take care of myself, I'm not trying to function from a half full cup. I have filled my cup up and now I have more for other people, and I think it's more patience, more kindness. Otherwise, we're really literally depriving ourselves of what we're giving to everybody else.

Deborah:

Exactly. So, they're exactly. And I just look too, you know, like, just like we have on several episodes, we'll come up with a, with some journal prompts for you and some additional affirmations that you can look at. But some of the things that I like to just some quick mind shift, you know, shifts to unlock that for you is, you know, just some quick things like stop saying I should or and say I choose.

Debbie:

Oh, yes, big one, yes, you know, and go ahead and well. And another one is, um, you know, thinking about and paying attention to seeing when some belief comes up, where you're telling yourself like, oh, I can't go, do that because you know, just like you're saying I shouldn't, but you can, and then choose whether you want to or not. Right, right, right. So maybe this week it's just one question, or maybe two questions that people can ask themselves, and it may be it's every time you have hesitate, give yourself self-care or self-love, to maybe ask yourself two questions Whose voice is this Right? Cause sometimes that's somebody else's voice and not our own Right.

Debbie:

And another one is if it is my, my voice, is this something that I was taught to believe? So if we're taking a look at whose voice it is right, then we get to make some determinations, like do I like what I'm hearing? Does it still work for me, or is there something else that I would prefer to be doing? Because we also have the right to change our minds. Exactly, we have a right to shift to a new space, because we're never in the same place forever. We're just not.

Deborah:

Yeah, in the same place forever. We're just not, yeah. And the other thing I would like to to to add to that is you know, I would invite you to think about, um, just one self-care practice that you've given yourself the permission to evolve instead of perfect. I love that, you know. So right now I'm looking at Pilates, Okay.

Debbie:

I wish y'all could see Deborah's face.

Deborah:

Oh, my God, you know I mean tore my butt up but, I think it's going to be a really good thing for me, okay, so I am going to invite myself to not have to go in there and be the you know, superhero, pilates, whatever, do all the poses perfectly. I am going to give myself permission to take it one step at a time, and so those little things like that. Am I going to walk six miles next week?

Deborah:

No, but I may walk for 15 minutes after dinner. So I would ask you to think about something that you can give yourself permission just to start and to just take baby steps towards, or take steps towards, what your goal is, because by doing that, then you are also caring for yourself, by not making it something that has to be painful, but it can be something like where you're enjoying the journey you know, I remember like there was a time when I used to take a lot of like Zumba and whatever classes where there was music and you did all these things.

Debbie:

It was great. I was always in the front row because I loved it. I wanted to see every move and participate and over time I'm not a big gym person but you know, over time, here and there I would like go to the gym for one reason or another. And I remember, oh, it was probably about seven or eight years ago the last time I went to a gym because I don't like doing that. I have other things I do, but to go to the gym for some reason.

Debbie:

Anyway, this particular gym had a dance thing that was going on and I was like, oh, I'm going to join that because I used to love them so much. And I remember like I didn't know the dance process, the steps and stuff. So I went to the front of the room like I normally did, and I was like not a good place for me, because not only did I not know the steps, I, I was older, it was like when we would turn, my knees were hurting and it was like I was like not moving as quick as I was, and you know it was really hard. It was hard in the moment, but at that time I kept going back, but I went more to the back of the room. But it was also a loving and caring thing that I was doing for myself to keep going back, because I was getting stronger and I was using muscles in my body I just hadn't used in a really long time and pretty soon I was in the middle, you know, and then not too long after that, maybe a few months later, then I was kind of back up to the front again.

Debbie:

So it was like I was really proud of myself. I was just glad that I didn't quit because I wasn't as spry, agile as I had been earlier. So, yeah, it's just amazing. So are we like? Okay, let me let me say this um, I would like to wrap up with saying that self-love isn't selfish, it's actually sacred and you don't have to earn it because you already deserve it. Simply I believe because you exist. Simply I believe because you exist.

Deborah:

So, and I want to also add to that, so remember sheroes, remember sheroes. Self-care isn't just something to do. It's who you become when you honor your worth, your mindset, your self-care, your love, self-love. They're all partners. You nurture one and the other one blossoms. So with that, I am going to invite you, as always, to love and care for the Shero in you. Bye, bye everybody.

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Debbie Pearson

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Deborah Edwards

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