051 - Gentle Courage

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Transcript

Redefining Strength As Presence

SPEAKER_01 0:17

Well, hello and welcome, all you Shiroes. We we're gonna be talking about something where you know it's like we've all been taught this version of courage that looks like you know, plowing forward, um, holding it all together, doing it all, right? But what if real courage is quieter? If it's something that begins within. Today we're gonna explore the softer side of strength, the kind that's rooted in self-trust, compassion, and truth. If this topic resonates with you, subscribe using the link below. Your support means the world to us. We love you guys, and this will help us keep sharing Shiro stories of courage and self-love. So by you subscribing. So let's get into it.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

So, Debbie, I am just really feeling within this topic. I love this topic, and and I understand that courage is not about becoming more, it's about becoming true. So it's not about adding to yourself, doing more, it's about standing firm in who you already are, even when it's hard. And I know that it can get hard. And it's a quiet decision sometimes to act with integrity, to speak when it's risky, to love when it's painful. Courage doesn't demand perfection, it asks for you to be present, right? It asks for presence because that is what that is the very best of us when we're present.

Challenging The Hustle Model

The Risk Of Standing Apart

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Yeah, that is beautiful. We forget to do that, or maybe we weren't taught to do that, whatever. But it's like just being present with what's going on inside of us is almost, I don't know. I don't know how how we come about it. Um, some of us maybe we're taught that, but I think most of us, especially women, we're taught to do, do, do, do, do. And so I'm gonna look a little bit about challenging that old model of strength, which is that constant doing, the that pushing, pushing, the hustle, holding it together, all these things that people described as, oh, she's so strong, right? Right. But what if there's a new way of being, a different way of being that's also super strong and is uh honoring of the self? It is uh strength as your own trusting your own self, uh, gentleness and emotional honesty, right? We've alluded to that already, right? Um so it's like why is it so difficult for us to exude or explore or have that part of our strength and courage be present, be what we really are showing forward?

SPEAKER_00 3:29

Well, I think one of the reasons is that it's so risky, you know? I and it like one of the things that I've noticed, uh there are and and not to um okay, so I'm gonna just go ahead and say this and forgive me if it if it seems like it's over-generalizing, but there are a group of people that wear the same clothes, they don't ever express themselves outside of what their group is wearing, because it's risky for them to step outside of that boundary. So when the the general narrative is is that the strength, strength is being more, working harder, doing, you know, doing more, trying to get to that perfect perfect. And if you're just doing something that is stepping outside of that, it's really risky because you are showing up in a way that um is not going to be seen as necessarily the best thing to do by your community by standing on your own principles when you know it it sometimes is very difficult to do. Yeah. Yeah.

A Workplace Boundary Story

SPEAKER_01 4:44

That's I love the word you said risky, because that is not something that came up for me when I was thinking about this episode. I was thinking about um other words, but not that one. So that is really a good word because we want to not rock the boat, or we want to blend in, we want to be part of the team or the group or the tribe or whatever it's it's called at that moment. Um so to choose yourself and your own that inner courage, you're right, it is risky. In fact, I I have a little story that I want to tell about uh uh taking that risk, essentially. So I worked for this man and we did presentations, and you know, it got to where I was doing the presentations, but he would too often at the last minute want to take a chunk of the the presentation and replace it with some new thing, thinking this will make a better presentation. And that always just threw me way off because I hadn't practiced that, I hadn't been thinking about it. And we've got at the time it was PowerPoint presentations, you know, death by PowerPoint kind of stuff. And it was replacing like photographs and bullet points and all this stuff, and you know, it's two hours away. So what you don't eat lunch, you're you're punching and all this stuff, it's frantic. I I was hustling, chasing, and miserable. And there came, you know, I would tell him on the regular, like, I really wish you wouldn't do this. It's very hard on me. And it didn't seem to, he didn't seem to hear it. And I just remember I, you know, that kind of escalated for me. And I got to a point where I did at one point say, you know, I will do it this last time, but I'm not making these changes on the day of the presentation anymore. I'm I'm not gonna do that. And he's like, Yeah, yeah, okay, and kind of just went on, just did the same thing. But the next time a presentation came up and he said something like, Well, I want you to put this in, just like he always said, you know, take that part out and put this in. And I said, I'm not willing to do that. And let me tell you, the the silence was deafening. It was it was such a powerful statement. Now I didn't spring it on him. I have I had been telling him I don't like it, and then had made a decision. But the risky part comes in where he could have fired me, right? He could have said, Well, you know, maybe not even that day, but that you know, next week you're fired, whatever. So it was risky to say it with just that absolute conviction, I'm not willing to do this. And he's like, Yeah, but we gotta, you know, of course, he wanted to like push me a little and he's like, We gotta get this done. I said, I'm not willing to do this. And uh took him a minute, but he kind of in a little bit of a huff went, okay, right? And and we didn't do it, but he didn't fire me, and the presentations were actually better because I was speaking something I knew rather than trying to be fluid in a brand new piece of information that I'm almost practically reading for the first time. Um, so that was a time when um I just used courage. I didn't even know that's what it was. Rather than that hustle and struggle, because that would always upset my system, if you will. I would always feel discombobulated.

Self-Advocacy As Quiet Strength

SPEAKER_00 8:29

Yeah. The one thing that I'm I I love that story because you know, how many times have we done that? But then what occurs to me was even in that story, you were um exhibiting self-love, yeah, right? You were you were advocating for yourself, so that's quiet strength. So, you know, you didn't yell at them and go, I told you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I wanted to, I know, right? Yes, but you advocated for yourself, and so that informed you too, yes, right? That that that you you felt that strength within you, and you're like, I did it, I showed up for myself, and so then the next time you're like, I did it before, I can do it again, right? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

Was it scary to do that? Yes, it was scary. Did it take a whole bunch of times of me being miserable? Yes, it took a whole bunch of times, but I also, and this was something that was I feel proud of myself for. I didn't step into the I I keep telling you, you know, the yelling that I'm not gonna do this. I warned him. I I gave it to him. I was like, okay, but it's the last time. And I don't know why that had such an impact on me, but when I was the next time it came up and I was able to say, I'm not willing to do that or do that anymore. I don't remember exactly. Um that was the power. It was very, very powerful. You're right. I I had been advocating for myself, but not really. I wanted him to fix it. Right. This time it was my inner strength, my courage that was like, this isn't about control.

The STOP Practice For Inner Strength

SPEAKER_00 10:21

This was just about stating my truth, right, and standing and and being present for yourself. So absolutely. I would love to invite the audience to think about a time when you know you have your own story where maybe you've confused strength with control and think about um any of maybe you have a story like Debbie has, but I would like to offer you um something that you can do in those moments to reconnect with your inner strength because that's what it is, right? When you have that face, it's like deer in the headlights, and you lose that connection because there's just that barrier that's built up around you. So um, and I think I've mentioned it before on the podcast, I'm sure I have. I always talk about this because I it is so powerful, it's a very powerful self-care tool. Um, and and it's an acronym of stop, right? So it I'm gonna give an example like what Debbie had and just apply it to that. So when that guy, her boss, came up and walked up, and she probably saw him coming and knew that it was coming, that she just, you know, the essence stopped, stopped, you know, stopped her mind, stopped her everything, and then, you know, and then take a breath. So deep breathe, deep breathe, and then observe. Okay, how am I feeling? What's going on? What how do I want to respond to this? How um how can I connect to my inner strength? Where is my inner strength in this? And then observe that, and then proceed. And then when you're proceeding, you can even ask yourself the question, what do I need right now? How, what is what's going on in this very moment? What do I need to convey to advocate for myself in this very moment by putting that space between the actual activity and giving yourself this the space to reconnect to your inner strength that allows you to proceed in a way that is going to be in your highest good, right?

Practicing, Stumbling, And Progress

SPEAKER_01 12:44

I'm going to interject something. Some people that have done things like this maybe it's become second nature, whatever. But for those of us, I'll include myself in there, when we're learning something new, right? It takes practice. So I love this. I I I keep referring to it as the stop method, but I don't know what you call it. Okay. Um those steps are so beautiful, and I I they work so well. And I'm not gonna say but I'm gonna say and as I practice them, they get easier. Because the first time I put that into practice, I was like, what am I doing first? What is happening second? Am I breathing? Am I thinking? What am I observing? Like it was like was it part of my thought process? But doing it again and then again and then again, and and then like doing it, seeing where I screwed up and reminding myself what it was, and then doing it again, seeing where I screwed up and remind, but having self-love and self-compassion and self-care the whole time I'm moving forward is the critical component, critical component to making it part of more something that's just more natural for you that's just gonna happen. Um yeah, but it's a great, great, great practice.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

And another thing though, to to add to that is maybe you don't have the ability right now, you're not in the place where you can do that in the moment. And you know, in the example that you gave, well, you know, the the time before and the time before, and the time before you're like, I told him, you know, and so you're like upset about it, and then you can do that afterwards and say, okay, let me go through this and see what do I need in this moment, and how can I proceed in this moment, and what can I do next time by just going through those steps, you can practice even after the fact, even if you didn't have the ability to um, you know, to to use the practice in the moment, you can certainly do it after the fact because a lot of times when I'm in situations like that, if I don't anchor myself in what I need, what do I want, I start spiraling, I start creating all of these things, but this way I can stay present and really focus us, focus on what is in my best. What it what what do I need?

Reflecting After The Moment

SPEAKER_01 15:19

I think that that uh the part about think about it afterwards is much more prevalent in the beginning because, like you're saying, it's really hard in the moment when that stressor comes up to to think rationally, right? Right. But when you're away from it, at least I know for me, that's when I would think about what happened and say, I want my life to be better. How can I apply what I quote unquote should have done, but in a good way, not uh uh, you know, should should, but what would have been better if I had done it, you know, like and get some more frame of reference. And as as I'm building those thoughts, the next time it comes, look, it it probably took me 15 times, but now it comes a whole lot easier. So was those 15 times or whatever the number was worth it?

SPEAKER_00 16:12

Absolutely, absolutely, and so to close today's episode, we really want to encourage you, Sheros, to just honor yourself, honor your natural rhythm, honor what you need, and give yourself the space to go within. You've got it, you've got every bit of it, and and we want to honor that for you. So I want to thank you so much for joining us today. And again, please click the like button and subscribe to the Shiro Cafe so not only you can know when a new episode comes up, but it helps our mission to spread love and self care. And as always, always, always, always, we invite you to love and care for the Shiro and you. Bye, everybody.