052 - Quiet Bravery

What if the bravest thing you do today is nothing? In this episode, we explore quiet bravery—the courage to rest—in a culture that glorifies the grind. Instead of measuring worth by output, we talk about how alignment, presence, and self-trust lead to smarter choices, stronger boundaries, and deeper joy.

We redefine courage from “push harder” to “pause on purpose.” Guilt, fear of rejection, and the need for validation often keep us overcommitted and exhausted. We share stories of saying yes too often and offer simple language you can use right away—how to say “not right now” without apology, how to honor commitments to yourself, and how to recognize early signs of burnout.

Rest isn’t weakness—it’s strategy. Timing your commitments with your capacity, protecting recovery, and letting waiting be wise can change everything. After you listen, pause for a moment and notice what shifts. Quiet bravery is a whisper, and when you practice it, you give others permission to do the same. If this resonates, share it, subscribe, and let us know where life is inviting you to slow down next.

Thank you so much for the likes, love, and comments you leave. Not only does it mean the world to us, it helps other women who need to hear it be able to find it.

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Transcript

Redefining What Courage Means

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Welcome back to the Shiro Cafe where we sip, share, and soulfully explore what it means to live with courage, grace, and authenticity. Today's conversation is one I hold close to my heart: quiet bravery, the courage to rest. We live in a culture that celebrates doing, the hustle, the checklist, the endless motion. We're taught that courage looks like pressing on, holding it all together, or keeping our foot on the gas, even when our soul is crying out for stillness. But I've learned that sometimes the bravest thing we can do is stop, to say not now, to rest without guilt, to honor the whisper that says, this is not the moment to push. It's the moment to breathe. Rest takes courage, especially when the world keeps shouting go. It takes courage to listen when your body says slow down and to trust that everything won't fall apart if you pause. And today Debbie and I are diving into that. What it really means to rest bravely, to reclaim that pause as a powerful act of self-trust and self-care, because slowing down isn't weakness, it's wisdom, it's choosing alignment over achievement, presence over performance, and grace over grind. So let's get into it. Debbie, what say you?

SPEAKER_01 1:56

Well, I love that intro. It's really beautiful. And I think that there's something in our water or culture or whatever. It's like, what is that that that gets us in that go, go, go, go, go, grind? It's crazy. But I love how you said um alignment over achievement, presence over performance, and grace over grind. It's like those are just three really, really good things. So let's talk about redefining bravery. Um like I said, we have been told or taught or whatever that bravery means push harder, do more. Uh my the one was you don't have time to rest. It's like um you you just keep going. And if and only if you have time at the end of the day, then you can rest, or then you can do what you want to do. But sometimes, well, maybe all the time, I don't know. But real courage, sometimes it looks like just putting the world on pause and saying, I need to stop right now. I just need to, and recognizing that within ourselves so that we can give ourselves permission to pause, to stop, right, to say no.

Martyrdom, Guilt, And Self-Permission

SPEAKER_00 3:24

Right. I mean, and I remember a time, um, you know, this was several, several years ago, and actually, it's part of the reason why I started on my self-care journey. It felt like I was falling on the sword, right? I was keeping going, you know, okay, maybe if I work more hours, or maybe if I do this, or maybe if I just give them a little bit more of my time, money, breath, whatever. And I was killing myself, killing myself because society tells us that it is, you know, that we should be the martyr, that we should fall on the sword, that we should put ourselves last, and that the pause is not an acceptable way of being. Right. Pause. How dare you pause?

SPEAKER_01 4:17

How dare you pause? You might think for yourself, you might have a moment, a flash of uh inspiration or wisdom.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

I know, I know, can't be having for yourself as a trigger for me because yeah, if you stop and and pause and create that space where you can receive and you can listen to yourself, that's really where the bravery comes in. And that's really what scares a lot of people, you know, is allowing people to have that space to listen to themselves, and that pause represents that.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

Yeah, does that make sense? Yeah, it does make sense. Um, what comes up for me is how many people do feel um guilt, um, fear, some discomfort, um, because we tie our worth into how much we produce, right? So it's this external visual, if you will, um saying, hey, look how much I've done, please validate me. Hey, look what I've produced. Aren't I a good person? Um, all the thoughts that come into our mind, right? And if if if we're feeling some kind of a guilt or a fear or a discomfort, maybe that is a signal. Maybe that is something they're saying, okay, you're having a moment of a thought or a feeling. What is that about? Where does that come from?

Fear, Validation, And Saying No

SPEAKER_00 6:02

Right. And and one of the things that, and this is maybe it is related, but it's not related. That um, you know, when you're thinking about stopping, there's that fear that comes in that, you know, the ladies in the church, you know, won't see me the same and I won't fit in, or the boss will think that I'm not, if I don't keep pushing, pushing, pushing, they won't think that I'm worthy of my position or I won't get promoted. And there's and if I don't, you know, clean the house perfectly, my husband is gonna think that I'm, you know, not a good wife and and and move on, or whatever. There's that fear that gets in the way of us taking the um taking the maybe, you know, and I'm using this word a lot lately because it just feels so good to me to advocate for yourself, you know, taking the breath, taking the pause, taking the ability to create space for you to really know what is for you to do. And that's hard sometimes because our society says your worth is um is defined by how much you can do.

Advocating For Yourself Without Excuses

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Well, there's also this intrinsic need for connection. And if I do and do and do for you, maybe when I need you, you'll give back. And maybe you won't reject me or abandon me. And I'm using uh, you know, um, reject and abandon. Those are deep, deep, deep fears that a lot of people do have inside. And so it's just saying, is maybe that what's going on? Like I'm afraid of what somebody else might do. And if that's the case, and that it's okay, but it's like, is that an acceptable thing, acceptable way to live in that situation? It's not like we're we're gonna cut out uh fear of rejection or fear of um what was the other one? Abandonment, like altogether for everything. But it's like there's certain things like, you know, uh, let's just say that there's um something going on and somebody's asked you to take an active part, a community event or something. And you've got like 15 other things going on. You've got family coming in from out of town, somebody's gotta have surgery, you're gonna be there for them, blah, blah, blah. And there's all this stuff going on. It just may be that moment in time where you say, um, I I I would like to, and I can't. It's just not a a good time for me because I've got all these other things that you don't need to explain yourself. It's just, I can't right now. I've learned that I used to explain myself, and then people would would overcome my objections, and then I'd end up doing whatever the thing was. And I I finally started to realize I could say, Oh, I'm already committed for that. And that already committed might be committed to myself, and I don't have to reveal that, even if I'm committed to myself, am I not still committed?

SPEAKER_00 9:13

Yeah, yeah, and I actually, and and and good point right there, because you know, we were talking about the fear of abandonment, the fear of not being um accepted and not being, you know, you're doing all of these things to stave off the abandoned abandonment or to you know to be accepted, but then you're abandoning yourself, you're not accepting yourself. So you are prioritizing other people's and other thoughts rather than prioritizing yourself. So I'm not saying that every time you say no when you don't, you know, don't really want to do it, that you're like killing yourself or any, it's not like that, but then you just have to to to take that pause. Become sometimes you say no, or sometimes you say yes, and then you look at what that means for you and what that means for them. But that pause gives you the opportunity to see where it fits in in the balance of your life.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

That cause that pause is making a conscious choice instead of reacting from a something you've done, a habit, a habit you have that you've done over and over and over again. You just say, Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, right. Where when we take that pause, we can say, Let me get back to you. Uh, I'm not sure. Because if you have something, maybe you love theater and somebody says, You want to be in the play, you're like, Yes, because you don't really need to think about that because you desire it. But I see that as an expansive, delicious energy, right? I want that. So that's expansive. It's exciting, it pulls me in and draws me.

unknown 10:57

Okay.

Conscious Choice Versus Habitual Yes

SPEAKER_01 10:58

But if somebody wants me to do something that I don't want to do, and I'm just gonna say it like that, that I don't want to do, using conscious choice will help you determine am I just being selfish or is it something I just genuinely don't fit that category, and that it's okay to say no to that thing. I'll give you a quick explanation. And this is like this is kind of big. Um I'm a task-oriented person. It is literally just who I am. It's just part of my proclivity for lack of a better word. I was just born this way. I didn't even know that there was a word called or a phrase called task-oriented people versus people-oriented people. And I know I've told this before, but it's a really, really good point that when it comes to sitting and chit-chatting, I can do that if I haven't seen someone for a while and we're catching up. But that there's people that like doing that like every day or all the time. And that is because it's not because of the chit-chat. Oh, it's you to borrow or raising your hand. It's because you genuinely are more of a people person. You love the being in connection with the person. And it's not that I don't, it's but it's different. It's different for me. I do great when I'm in task with someone. So it's like to just go to somebody's house and just hang out, it almost kills me. Like I want to be doing more, not just being. But if we can do and be, like you want me to help you paint your room, let's do it. We can be and do at the same time. I am like so into that. And then when we're done and we've had this great accomplishment, we can sit down and have a glass of wine together or whatever. Like it just fuels me to do things, right? Where like if if we're hanging and everybody's like just chatting and everything, it's like, don't we need something at the store? Like, I just want to go do something. And I don't know what that is. I don't know why that is, I don't know how to even explain it. It's not that I don't want to be like, it's not that I don't want to recognize something about myself and I'm running away because I dig deep. I will definitely sit with and and um go into what's going on with me. Like, why is that? I haven't been able to figure this one out.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

So, but so I will say one thing, two things, actually. One thing, you are so lucky that you live so far away from me because I have a lot of things we could do together. Oh, yeah, right. I will come help you.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

I will absolutely come help you.

SPEAKER_00 14:01

I want to be better.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

That I that just I that that feels so fulfilling because we're getting things done. And I know we'd be talking the whole time.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

Like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but then the other point that I wanted to make is that you know, also think about things that you do want to do. Sometimes I mean, you know, we're talking about saying no. I mean, saying yes when you really want to say no. Sometimes it's saying no when you really want to say yes.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

Yeah, exactly.

Task-Oriented Truths And Connection

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Because I have to, you know, there's an and I just listened to one of our Shiro Cafe episodes. Oh, okay. Just so fun, but it was when I came back from the um the trip where we uh went, you know, the Southwest trip where we visited you and then did that whole three and a half weeks. Yep. And I said no because I wanted to create the space for me after I came back from the trip for me to be able to ease into that thing. Well, I got some really cool invitations that I really, really thought would be really, really cool to do. Yeah, but I was committed to my self-care in that. And so even though it would have been a cool thing to do, I felt like I needed to say no to keep my commitment to myself. That sounds like quiet bravery to me.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

That was having the courage to rest because a lot of us, you know, deal with that FOMO, like um fear of missing out, right? And and you know, what if I'm not part of that and part of that? But what happens when we overdo? Right? Everybody knows what happens when we overdo. And so um, thinking of resting in a world that's obsessed with hustle and moving forward and doing another thing and just being active in so many things, but exhaustion is unhealthy, right? And being exhausted is not a declaration of your value.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

Like, right.

SPEAKER_01 16:23

Even though I love doing things, I don't like when I'm too busy. Like um, what happened the other day? It was like, let's hurry up and change this and get this thing done and uh put something out there before it's completed. And then if if we need to do something, then we can create a nurture sequence. I'm like, no, no, that's exhausting to me. I like to do, I don't like to overdo. So that is also quiet bravery because I can say no now, where before I would be like, okay, let's do it. Uh let's make a cup of coffee at 10 o'clock at night so I can stay up all night long. And that just wears me out now. I don't like it. I I don't feel like I'm honoring myself. I don't want to have any part of that.

FOMO, Overdoing, And Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 17:09

That reminds me of the story that you told in the last episode about changing the slides, right? Yes, you know, and finally just having the courage to say, I'm not willing to do that. Right. You know, and and and and advocating for yourself in a way that says, I'm not willing to overdo anymore, I am not willing to put myself through that anymore. And know, no, knowing that there may be consequences for that, but also knowing that, and you know, we're if if there's no consequences, it's not brave, you know, right, and so there's some kind of consequence, maybe, but uh knowing that there are consequences and knowing that still I had a situation where I stood up for myself just here recently, right? And I was scary. I thought I was gonna be losing some friends, and you know, and and just said, you know, this is what my experience was. But then when it came to um, you know, at the end of the day, even though I took that risk and it came out okay. And at one point I really thought it was gonna have really negative consequences, even in that moment, I was really proud of myself for showing up for myself, and for advocating for myself, and for um sticking to my understanding of who I truly am. And um, and and and and that at the end of the day, you know, they say there's that saying, Well, I hope you can sleep at night. Well, that helped me sleep that night, is knowing that I took that risk to show up for myself.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

Yes. And you said something earlier. Um, if if it's not a consequence, it's not bravery. I'm gonna push back on that a little bit. In the beginning, I think that we're afraid of the consequences. We have to look at those and we have to make some determinations. Am I willing to accept that this possible consequence might happen? Because that's how we get to where we are by now. I know that I'm brave enough that I'm gonna say or do or be how I am, because I no longer have those fears of the consequences. But I think we get to this point by having those difficulties, having those fears of the consequences. But I do consider saying no to someone brave, even if they what if they let's just say it was a boss and he decided to fire me, and I'm like, well, I'll just I will just get another job because I've done that enough times, gotten another job where I'm not afraid of that. Um, because I trust the universe, I know there will be another job. That's me. That's what I have done. I'm not asking anybody else to do that.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

And and excuse me for interrupting real quick. Not only trust the universe, but trust yourself. Oh, absolutely. You know that what brought you to this moment is the same thing that'll carry you forward.

Consequences, Self-Trust, And Risks

SPEAKER_01 20:32

Yes, and thank you for saying that because that is absolutely true. And I think you need both. And you think you need to trust yourself and trust the universe. And it's kind of like I trust myself to get out there to find that new job, and I trust the universe to put that job somewhere where I'm gonna see it. Like that's how it is for me. So um, another word, well, let's not go there. So I'm I'm gonna take us into another podcast, but we're gonna just stick with quiet bravery because it's beautiful. Um sometimes if you think about pausing, resting, the pause isn't always in just that moment. Sometimes, and I know I did this before, I decided that I was not gonna make a New Year's resolution because not in January, but because it feels like the wrong time. Think of nature, right? What is it? We're hibernating. Um it's very quiet. There's not a lot of growth going on. I like to make my new year's resolution, uh, maybe I should call it my new spring resolution in spring because it's uh growth and exciting and it the days are getting longer and it just it feels more possible. So, with saying that, I'm bringing that back to sometimes wisdom is in the waiting, knowing that I'm gonna I might do something, but I'm not gonna do it right now, just because other people may. Want me to do it right now doesn't mean that that's the best thing for me. And I'm not saying that in a selfish way. I'm saying that in a higher level, higher self, connecting with the universe, thinking about not what's best for everyone, but I truly honestly believe if I do what is absolutely in my highest good, that that actually becomes the highest good for others as well. Maybe in different ways. They may fight against it, but what are they really fighting against? Right? It's like I don't know the answer to that question, but more often than not, it may be a change that they weren't prepared for, and they're fighting against change or that difference or whatever. But there is something very wise in waiting when that's the appropriate thing to do. And like I said, I I use the the New Year's resolution resolution in spring as an example, um, because nature, I don't know, just following the rhythms, that's that just felt right for me.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

Yeah, absolutely, you know, and and having that opportunity to be still and find out what feels right for yourself. Yeah. So, Debbie, I am just loving this conversation. This is a great conversation, and I would like to invite the listeners to just take a deep breath and ask yourself, where is life asking me to rest? But I keep pushing anyway. What might shift if I stop proving and just let myself be for a moment? What would that look like? So we do recognize that quiet bravery is saying, I trust myself enough to rest. It's a whisper, not a roar, but it changes everything.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

Yeah, and it's like it's contagious. When you rest bravely, right? Yeah, you're giving permission for others to do the same.

SPEAKER_00 24:38

So absolutely. So, Shiro's, we invite you to pause even for a moment after this episode and notice how your body feels when you stop striving. That's courage too. And as always, we invite you to love and care for the Shiro in you. Bye.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

Bye.